Hello again.
Another year has passed. Another Eurovision.
There follows a review of each song etc...
Israel 3pts.
Sa'Me'Akh - Ping-Pong Band
A jolly song. The verse has depressing lyrics (in foreign) to
a happy tune ("All the time just depression and boredom/If I won't finish
it will end up in a boom") . The chorus is in English and goes: "Oh Oh
Happy." The best lyric is "Here comes Sunday's depression/I want, I want
a cucumber". The song also contains Israeli slang for copulation. There
are two male vocalists and several women in short dresses. One male vocalist
wants to be Jarvis Cocker. The other has oriental symbols
stencilled on his chest. The poppy song is pseudo Bis but not as good,
though the lyrics are perhaps the best this year.
Netherlands 7pts
No Goodbyes - Linda Wagenmakers
Pretty bog standard lyrics (in Eng.) "Don't say goodbye/No farewells,
no goodbyes". A disco ballad that could've been a hit once. Sung by a black
woman wearing a black and white tent. After the ballad intro she leaves
the tent-costume and reveals her seventies disco spangly dress.
UK 0pts
Don't Play that Song Again - Nicki French
Early 90s/70s disco ballad with a well covered key change. Nicki's
only success was with an awful cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart. She
cannot sing, and demonstrated her ability perfectly.
Estonia 4pts
Once in a Lifetime - Ines
Tipped for success, An early 90s pop tune, sung in English. "Because
I'm seventeen only once in a lifetime". Would've benefitted from a bigger
sound. Included a Middle 8 and a key change. The female vocalist sported
Gap fashion and a Cowboy hat.
France - 0pts
On Aura Le Ciel - Sofia Mestari
An ugly woman sings a song in french. She wears a red trouser suit
and performs a dull ballad with an early 90s feel, in the mould of BoyzIIMen.
She has less singing ability than Nicki French. The song, like most of
this year's entries, has a pause about three quarters of the way through,
followed by a key change. All the songs bar
Israel's have done this so far. "We'll get honey/A taste of orange,
cinamon, we fly away, you and me".
Romania - 8pts
The Moon - Taxi
A folk rock number utilising pan pipes and guitars. The vocalist looks
not unlike Manfredd Mann. He sings in English although this is not immediately
obvious. Has 'all them American style twiddlings'. Also contains dramatic
pause, this time at end of verse 1. The drums come in half way through
the next line, punctuating "Now I hear." It is mainly ballad, and has not
a lot of folk. Pan pipes go crazy... powerful vocals: "I simply blinked
and let the light/ give me reasons to be good/you did see/a way to set
me free." Electric guitar solo. A million germans weep. The electric guitar
is purple. The guitarist has a lot of hair. The pan-pipe player does much
finger-whistling. Song speeds up (perh. due to time regulations) and the
vocalist semi-yodels.
Malta - 0pts
Desire - Claudette Pace
It is a statute of European Legislation that in the Eurovision Song
Contest, Malta may only enter a hairy man or a fat woman. This year they
went with the fat woman. She belly danced to a Calypso number. She sung
in English and there was a key change. "My desire runs deep/and I'm losing
sleep/I wake up to the light/You're
the key to my heart."
Norway - 6pts
My Heart Goes Boom - Charmed
Determined to win with this title. They chose an 80s Katrina and the
Waves sound, and a Spice Girls Image. A lively number with a gentle middle
8 and a double line key change. But the girls, in purple and black outfits,
have weak voices and cannot do the song justice. Best line: "You were standing
in the shadows/looking quite impossible/I lost my mind and Popsicle."
Russia 1pt
Solo - Alsou
A mid 90s active pop number a la Tina Arena. Sung in Eng. Contains
a balalaika in the background during a quieter section. A lengthy pause
is followed by a key change. The attractive young lady wore a sparkly trouser
outfit, and gained votes mainly on looks. Her voice was certainly not an
attribute. " I'm going solo... going solo/(Ooh Adlibs)"
Belgium - 0pts
Envie De Vivre - Nathalie Sorce
In french. Pretty soulful stuff. Ballad verging on National Anthem.
The woman looks very odd. After the first section, the lights flash, and
the key changes. Sudden chant section signals end. "Under the rawth of
Time into a rage for 2000 years/What is left standing is not us."
Cyprus - 5pts
Nomiza (I Believed) - Alexandrous & Christina
The man wears frilly sleeves. Woman in long medieval sleeves. Pseudo
middle-eastern number. Scary and percussive. Interesting rhythm. Percussion
solo.
Iceland - 0pts
Tell Me! - Telma Agustsdottir
Roy Orbison rip-off. Bloke in butcher's apron with drawn on tattoo
sings with a woman in pink/ There is the fashionable pause in the middle
of verse 3.
Spain - 0pts
Colgado de un Sueno (I'm dancing on a Rainbow) - Serafin Zurbiri
A blind singer/pianist performs a boring ballad in spanish. Dull.
Denmark - 0pts
Fly on the Wings of Love - The Olsen Brothers
A run of awful songs continues. Country number. Two blokes who have
listened to too much Kenny Rogers. There is the pause before the chorus.
They laugh in synchrony during verse 2. Seem unstably happy. There is a
Cher vocoder section at the end which sounds absoloutely awful. There is
a key change, and a sustained final note which they are unable to hold
at a constand pitch. Dreadful. It won.
Germany - 0pts
Wadde Hadde Dudde Da? (What Do You Have There?) - Stefan Raab
"Ladies and gentlemen/Ladies clap your chubby little paws together/for
the sensational super bag of German Television/Stefan Raab".
A series of cowboys in gold lame and Bono shades come on with a US
sound. Women in very short dresses. German rap ensues.
"What do you have there?/What do you have there?/What do you have there?/What
do you have there?/What do you have there?/Does he have something there,
and if so, what does he have there?/.../.../That what was there that was
unclear/.../.../I'm so curious, I just wanna know what you have there/.../what
do you have there?" I don't think the Germans take Eurovision very seriously.
The tune is not unlike Say You'll Be There. At one point, the lights go
out and the man's costume flashes. There is a key change, and the women
tear off their dresses.
Switzerland - 0pts
La Vita Cos'e - Jane Bogaert
She wears mauve and looks a little like Anna Ford. A Love Hurts style
ballad in foreign. Elton John stle chorus. Key change goes out of control
at the end.
"What is life?/A thorn in my side/that hurts me/if you're not there."
Croatia -0pts
Kada Zaspu Andeli (When the Angels fall Asleep) - Goran Karan
Long haired bloke singing eastern-european folk rock. Stereotypical
of its genre. The perforance also includes that bloke from York town centre
who does performance art in a black sack. It is all quite terrifying and
disturbing and takes place in centre stage. At the end, the person in the
bag dramatically breaks out revealing herself to be a beautiful woman dressed
in white. The BBC have been unable to translate the lyrics.
Sweden - 10pts
Spirits are Calling My Name - Roger Pontare.
Described by John Peel as the worse Eurovision entry he has ever seen,
Sweden were keen not to win for a second year in a row. This is a song
about American Indians, performed in a nodding rockabilly number. The fat
man who sings wears an indian head-dress etc. Da dum da dum da dum da dum...
Much dry ice. He looks like Bill Maynard. There is another unnecesary pause
and a key change. And then much fire. "Let me be, the native son/with freedom
in my heart/life will never be the same/when spirits are calling my name."
FYROM - 0pts
100% Te Ljuban (100% I Love You) - XXL
Spice girlish. Early 70s opening imagery. Pastel shades outfits. This
blossoms into a tuneless menagerie of noise. Most of the vocalists have
a very real inability to sing. The result sounds awful. Fantastic! There
is another pause, but no key change. And then again. There is a key change
right at the very end, for the last two bars. Wow! The girls are aged 16-18
and can often be seen in any of Skopje's major cafes. Macedonia is a hip
and happening place. The writer has the pseudonym Bojs. He has been one
of the top composers in FYROM for over a decade. His songs often qualify
for major domestic festivals. His name is Dragan Karanfilovski and one
of the girls in the band (the youngest in fact) is his daughter.
Finland - 0pts
A Little Bit - Nina Astrom
An ugly woman in a red leather jacket and a Catherine Bertrand wig.
She sings in english. There is a violin, but it is a boring ballad. Radio
2 fodder.
"It may be Finland, France of Spain/Berlin, Prague or Rome/ It's the
place where you live/where your heart feel at home/.../.../It may be Amsterdam
or Bern/Sweden or UK/Where your heart is at home/you will feel OK."
Latvia - 12pts
My Star - Brainstorm
Looks like Donovan Leech. Taking the piss. Humerous impersonations
of David Cassidy. Gets audience participation. Sings in English. A very
happy man. Can't quite hit those top notes. Laughing through it all though...
ah... The chorus: "If my star will fall/or disappeared at all." Whatever
that means... ...those crazy Latvians.
Turkey - 0pts
Yorgunum Anla (I'm Getting Weary) - The SOS and Pinar Turkish sound.
Hand dancing business. Woman sings. Harmonium thing and guitars. This song
is in every year. "Won't you get it/that's enough for me/try to get it..."
Ireland - 0pts
Millenium of Love - Eamonn Toal
Ireland really don't want to win ever again. Ever. "Our footprints
leave a harvest for the children." The song doesn't rhyme. Awful. A blond
Bono complete with Bono-mullet sings. Includes a stomping guitar middle
eight. It is a typical lighter waver. "I believe we all have the answer."
Austria - 2pts
All to You - The Rounder Girls
Three large women do motown in English, complete with virtual sixties
style sillhoetted dancers on the monitors. Not great vocalists. Incorporates
a key change.
Right... so there are the entrants.
In order as the Republic of AView voted:
Russia - 1pt
Got four 12s
Austria - 2pts
Picked up no 12s
Israel - 3pts
Winners in 98.
Estonia - 4pts
Did an awful song in 98
Cypress - 5pts
Did a rather bad song in 98
Norway - 6pts
Were rather good in 98, and better this year
Netherlands - 7pts Came 4th in 98 despite
a poor song
Romania - 8pts
Got one 12 this year. Did a great song in 98
Sweden - 10pts
Last years winners. Crap in 98. Got one 12
Latvia - 12pts
Got four 12s.
Iceland, who narrowly missed out on points, got one 12. Turkey got two
and
Germany got three. Denmark won with eight 12s which is twice as many
as
Latvia and Russia who got half of that each.