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It's been a fairly dry period
of late, with only the odd stand-out track to keep us warm. This year
largely reversed that trend: the overall quality was definitely up,
though we struggled to pick a stand-out winner from the crowd. Let's
take a look at the selection.
Standing out on one leg for Cyprus are Hovig and his mechanical backing
dancers. There's a nice grinding backwards stab thing going on, and a
bit of a Belgium 2015 vibe, albeit if Loïc Nottet and friends had
been infected by a computer virus that compromised their motor-control
before turning all their passwords to SAGAPO. Hovig's got a video floor
to play on, but the budget only extends to a couple of lines (of
graphics and of song). The dancing is similarly minimalist: the cash
only ran to one leg's worth of routine, but that leg is impeccably
choreographed.
The real Belgium gave us a seemingly terrified 17-year-old, stationary
at centre-stage, intoning an icy lo-fi electro-ballad about a danger
zone. The song doesn't do an awful lot, and the performance matches it
every step of the way, but the hook will stay lodged in your brain for
the rest of the month. Also offering up a minimalist performance were
Portugal. Their gentle and deliberately retro bossa-nova-tinged waltz
(the sort of thing we've not experienced in several decades) was
performed by tiny little cartoon mouse Salvador Sobral, wringing his
little hands at the microphone and going eek in a suitably adorable
way. It's a song that divided the Twitter audience and our own vote,
but which nonetheless attained victory in both the jury and televote
scoring, making it Europe's winner this year. It also gave us one of
the most beautiful and moving winners' reprises of all time (up there
with the likes of the Herreys switching to English for verse two), with
Sobral sharing the microphone with his sister, Luisa Sobral (who also
happens to be the composer). Bless. Eurovision heads to Portugal (one
of our long-standing favourites) for the first time, and it's long
overdue.
What did you
learn at school today? Romania apparently learnt yodeling, and they're
here to rap about the experience in the style of Daz Sampson. The whole piece is performed
in front of two rather cardboard cannons that belie Chekhov. If we'd never heard yodeling
before, we'd've given this 12pts, but we have heard yodeling before and this
isn't really it. To Moldova then, who are usually better at this sort
of thing. This year they had a foot-tapping dance
routine, and a suitably smug saxophonist, recreating what would happen
to Gangnam Style if you ran it through Google Translate twenty times.
They also had backing vocalist brides with microphones in their
bouquets, which is unquestionably a nice touch. Bulgaria gave us
another 17-year-old -- this one a little pixie prince who looks like
Morten Harket and Björk got lost in the forest one night and were
bewitched to the point of offspring. He sung earnestly, with an
animated overlay and some rickety camera bursts, about how our love is
untouchable. But that's being 17 for you.
"There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is
a miracle; the other is as though everything
is a miracle." This Schmetterlingen point of spoken wisdom introduced
Croatia's entry: a Tiny Tim music-hall duet in chest and head
registers. Singer Jacques Houdek is a large man in elaborately tailored
tuxedo/leather jacket. He emotes a Dionesque power-ballad interspersed
with operatic flourishes of Italian, and one could imagine George Dawes
giving it a good go. The performance smashes through a firestorm and
ends beneath a rainbow. Aww. 12 points.
For each year's songs we
apply our points in the 12-10-8 style of the
modern contest, irrespective of how the voting functioned at the time.
In brackets is the position the song came on the night:
HERE
ARE THE VOTINGS
OF THE AVIEW JURY:
|
12pts
(13th)
|
CRO |
Jacques
Houdek
"My Friend" |
10pts
(21st)
|
CYP |
Hovig
"Gravity" |
8pts
(4th)
|
BEL |
Blanche
"City Lights"
|
7pts
(3rd)
|
MDA |
Sunstroke
Project
"Hey, Mamma!" |
6pts
(2nd)
|
BUL |
Kristian
Kostov
"Beautiful Mess"
|
5pts
(7th)
|
ROU |
Ilinca
ft. Alex Florea
"Yodel It!" |
4pts
(10th)
|
NOR |
JOWST
"Grab the Moment" |
3pts
(1st)
|
POR |
Salvador
Sobral
"Amar pelos dois" |
2pt1s
(17th)
|
BLR |
Naviband
"Story of My Life"
|
1pt
(12th)
|
FRA
|
Alma
"Requiem" |
Europe had Italy sixth, Hungary eighth, Australia ninth, the
Netherlands eleventh, Azerbaijan 14th, the United Kingdom 15th, Austria
16th, Armenia 18th, Greece 19th, Denmark 20th, Poland 22nd, Israel
23rd, Ukraine 24th, Germany 25th, and Spain last.
Portugal's win makes it 7-2 to Old Europe in our post-Wogan Battle of
the Blocs.
POLITICS
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The
Russian entry was barred entry to the Ukraine for having entered
Russian-annexed Crimea in 2014. Russia therefore withdrew its entry
entirely.
The contest tagline was "Celebrate Diversity", and to celebrate
diversity, Ukraine gave us our first all-male presenting team since
1956.
Nobody wore socks. One person took this even further: Jamala's
half-time performance featured a stage-invading bare bottom. If one
thing can unite us all, in spite of our diversity, it's a naked arse.
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There are only two ways to live your life.
Croatia's Jacques Houdek tries both at once.
The Sobrals enter the forest in search of
the witch who turned Salvador into a mouse.
Blanche, all alone in the danger zone.
Moldova put the bouquet mic through its paces.
Kristian Kostov, disappointed it isn't a touch-screen.
Cyprus defy Gravity by
balancing on one leg for as long as possible.
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