Here are our thoughts on each entry, as recorded on the night of the contest:
Finland - 0pts
Paradise Oskar - "Da Da Dam"
E - We open with the giants of Eurovision.
I - Do the Aspelunds proud!
C - Oh dear.
I - Ossi Runne is turning in his grave. Not that he's dead. It's a malformed figure of speech.
E - Eco thing. Strummy and a touch annoying.
C - "Went out in the world to save our planet".
Bosnia & Herzegovina - 0pts
Dino Merlin - "Love in Rewind"
I - Skittish playroom jauntiness.
E - A lot like Spain's entry last year.
Denmark - 0pts
A Friend In London - "New Tomorrow"
C - Another song about saving the world.
I - Oh god; not one of those years again...
E - It's like an impression of rock received by an alien through a distorting mirror.
C - Curious spiked hair there.
E - Presaging Jedward?
C - At heart it is another naff ballad about saving the world.
Lithuania - 0pts
Evelina Sašenko - "C'est ma vie"
E - Ah, good. A haunted ballad.
C - Haunted by the ghost of a '90s Disney film.
I - With signing there for the hard of hearing.
Hungary - 3pts
Kati Wolf - "What About My Dreams?
C - She has a ring made from the finest Blue.
E - A song with a pulse. Automatically goes into the lead.
I - Upbeat, but quite weak really.
C - Lights sewn into their costumes.
Ireland - 7pts
Jedward - "Lipstick"
I - A confession: I have never seen this act perform before. I feel I am in the minority.
C - Will they out-jerk Colm Wilkinson.
E - I doubt it.
I - Jonathan Edwards is much changed since his triple jumping days.
C - So it's two tubs of cress performing Rachel Stevens.
I - Are the shoulders usual? I know the cress is.
Sweden - 4pts
Eric Saade - "Popular"
E - Here we go.
I - It's a dancehall remix of When Spirits Are Calling My Name!
E - A bit naff, but it bangs.
Estonia - 5pts
Getter Jaani - "Rockefeller Street"
C - Did she get that dress from Grayson Perry?
I - This song has something, but misses a crucial bit of oomph.
E - It's a decent little song, with a quiet change section.
C - Lots of whirring noises.
E - Tweeness and a minor key.
Greece - 8pts
Loukas Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike - "Watch My Dance"
I - Greece, then. Giants of recent years.
E - They will not let us down.
C - Moody, banging stuff.
I - A gruff-voiced rapper.
C - He looks a bit wet, though.
E - There's a tinge of ethnicity too.
C - Ok, that's probably winning right now.
Russia - 0pts
Alexey Vorobyov - "Get You"
C - Whatever happened to Chesney Hawkes, eh?
I - This isn't up to the windswept, fake-snowed, photo-burning angst of last year, I fear.
E - A fairly dull, upbeat number.
France - 6pts
Amaury Vassili - "Sognu"
I - Norton's ears cannot detect the sound of pre-taped strings.
E - An operatic anthem; rather Soviet and powerful.
I - It would be better if the Red Army Chorus came on and joined him at the end.
E - Yeah.
I - Without the choir it fails to rise to its full potential.
Italy - 0pts
Raphael Gualazzi - "Madness of Love"
C - Italy back from self-imposed exile.
I - Have they brought Rupert Pupkin back with them?
C - No.
I - Italy '91 was the worst Eurovision presentation ever.
E - This is naff swing stuff with a piano.
I - And a horridly scratchy top note.
Switzerland - 0pts
Anna Rossinelli - "In Love for a While"
E - Flashbacks to Spain '77, but alas no silver boots.
I - Far too slick.
C - Kind of cute though.
United Kingdom - 0pts
Blue - "I Can"
I - Wyomani.
E - Is it going to go anywhere?
C - I can... I will...
I - Well, it's better than the rubbish the UK put forward last year. But it's just a lot of throbbing and some bad tailoring.
Moldova - 12pts
Zdob şi Zdub - "So Lucky"
C - This looks interesting.
E - Shouty East European men in pointy hats. How can it go wrong?
C - And a unicycling fairy!
E - Something faintly Gong-ish about the thing.
I - Gong-ish ska jazz.
E - Ladies, Gentlemen, and those in the middle: is this our winner we see before us?
Germany - 10pts
Lena - "Taken by a Stranger"
E - Lovecats.
I - Backing dancers remove the one thing that made Lena novel last year.
C - Her pronunciation?
E - No, the fact that it was just one slightly gawky woman on a stage in a little black dress.
C - Now there's a lot of lycra-clad dancers.
E - Still, it's a proper song again.
C - And some interesting lyrics.
E - And a glass-smash at the end.
Romania - 1pt
Hotel FM - "Change"
E - Romania go to the bag marked Sweden for their inspiration.
C - Yes. Very much Sweden by numbers.
E - But with a man.
Austria - 0pts
Nadine Beiler - "The Secret Is Love"
I - No "Boom Boom Boomerang" is it...
C - But she has lovely hair.
E - The song is a sort of Whitney Houston number.
Azerbaijan - 0pts
Ell and Nikki - "Running Scared"
E - It's being sung by a computer scientist and his friend's mum.
I - A fairly dull, whispy, airy thing.
C - I do like their floaty white dresses though.
Slovenia - 2pts
Maja Keuc - "No One"
C - Everyone else recognizes this song, too, don't they?
E - I think it's a cut and shut of at least three songs. But I can't put a finger on any of them.
C - Beyoncé?
E - Nah.
I - Bombastic stuff at any rate.
Iceland - 0pts
Sjonni's Friends - "Coming Home"
E - Again, too polished. If you're going to do this jug-band schtick, it has to be ramshackled. And preferably drunken too.
C - Yeah; this is just naff.
Spain - 0pts
Lucía Pérez - "Que me quiten lo bailao"
I - Olé.
E - It's upbeat and joyous in a naff '90s way.
C - I thought it was more '80s.
E - It's '90s for Eurovision.
I - Ah, yes.
Ukraine - 0pts
Mika Newton - "Angel"
I - Ukraine, then. The best nation in Eurovision in this last decade.
E - Alas, Svetlana appears to have been their high-point.
C - It's a dull ballad, but a fantastic dress.
I - Winged shoulders; not as aerodynamically sound as Belarus last year perhaps.
E - In the background, a projection of a sand picture.
Serbia - 0pts
Nina - "Čaroban" (Чаробан)
C - '60s kitsch costumes, but alas, lacking a song.
E - There are vague motown pretensions, but nothing much.
Georgia - 0pts
Eldrine - "One More Day"
E - Those crazy Georgian cybergoths.
C - A bit of rawk to end on.
I - Oh well... there we go for another year...
For each year's songs we apply our points in the 12-10-8 style of the modern contest, irrespective of how the voting functioned at the time. In brackets is the position the song came on the night:
| HERE
ARE THE VOTINGS OF THE AVIEW JURY: |
| 12pts (12th) |
 MDA |
Zdob
şi Zdub "So Lucky" |
| 10pts (10th) |
 GER |
Lena "Taken by a Stranger" |
| 8pts (7th) |
 GRE |
Loukas
Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike "Watch My Dance" |
| 7pts (8th) |
 IRL |
Jedward "Lipstick" |
| 6pts (15th) |
 FRA |
Amaury
Vassili "Sognu" |
| 5pts (24th) |
 EST |
Getter
Jaani "Rockefeller Street" |
| 4pts (3rd) |
 SWE |
Eric
Saade "Popular" |
| 3pts (22nd) |
 HUN |
Kati
Wolf "What About My Dreams?" |
| 2pts (13th) |
 SLO |
Maja
Keuc "No One" |
| 1pt (17th) |
 ROU |
Hotel
FM "Change" |
Europe voted the anodyne Azerbaijan the winner.