IVAN METHUSELAH'S
DIGI-BOX RATION BOOK

=CONCLUSION=
August - December 2004

This first Ration Book worked a little differently to later versions. Ivan's success was scored each week. The weekly performance charts were ascribed points (1st=9pts, 2nd=6pts, 3rd=4pts (and for TV only: 4th=3pts, 5th=2pts, 6th=1pt)). Ivan's hits could then be compared with his misses. 100% success for Ivan scored 58pts, and programmes he failed to recommend were only counted if they appeared above his selections. The red figures show the difference.

Ivan had also agreed to score the best programmes as "Keepers & Classics" (3pts), "Jolly Good" (2pts) and "Pretty Good" (1pt), with a running total of each per week (including the stuff he failed to watch at the time but caught on tape the following week, but still excluding current affairs programming). Anything considered "Missable" or lower was not scored. The results were divided into TV, Radio and Film, with the red figure being the sum.

Between the two scoresheets, Ivan calculated the best performing channels of the week, and their points scores (incorporating week-old tapes and repeats). TV channels have a deliberate points advantage and a possible maximum score of 44. B = BBC, R = BBC Radio, C = Channel, I = ITV. 

Finally, at the bottom, the channels were scored using Ivan's 3-2-1 points system (NOM = No Overall Majority).

=SCORECARD=

Week01
Week02
Week03
Week04
Week05
Week06
Week07
Week08
Week09
Week10
Week11
Week12
Week13
Week14
Week15
Week16
Week17
Week18
Week19
Week20
40
19
21
49
6
43
39
20
19
39
14
25
41
12
29
35
33
2
40
19
21
40
13
27
36
27
9
33
26
7
29
30
-1
26
37
-11
33
26
7
28
25
3
31
22
9
34
25
9
38
21
17
37
22
15
37
22
15
41
22
19
B4, 23
B2, 14
R4, 10
B4, 30
R3, 09
R4, 06
B4, 24
R4, 19
B2, 09
R4, 12
B4, 11
R3, 10
B4, 15
R4, 13
R3, 09
R4, 13
B4, 13
B2, 11
B2, 12
R4, 10
C5, 09
B7, 12
B4, 09
I1, 09
B4, 34
R2, 09
R4, 06
I1, 15
B7, 15
B4, 10
B7, 15
B4, 13
C5, 09
B2, 24
C4, 11
R4, 10
B2, 19
R3, 09
C4, 09
B7, 15
C4, 12
I1, 09
C4, 22
B7, 13
B4, 09
C4, 11
R3, 09
C5, 09
B4, 27
R4, 09
C4, 05
R4, 19
B2, 14
C4, 11
R4, 19
C4, 18
B4, 13
B4, 24
R4, 19
C5, 09
8
2
10
20
6
3
5
14
8
2
2
12
12
5
3
20
3
4
1
8
3
4
1
8
4
2
8
14
4
5
0
9
6
1
1
8
12
1
4
17
6
1
0
7
2
1
3
6
5
2
2
9
8
4
3
15
5
1
1
7
9
3
2
14
14
0
0
14
13
0
0
13
5
3
1
9
3
7
1
11
B4, 12
B2, 04
C5, 02
B4, 08
R3, 02
NOM
B4, 05
R4, 03
NOM
B4, 04
C4, 04
R4, 03
B4, 03
R4, 03
R3, 02
C5, 02
B7, 02
R4, 02
B2, 03
B4, 03
C4, 03
R3, 02
B7, 02
B4, 02
B4, 06
R2, 01
C5, 01
B4, 07
I1, 04
C4, 04
C5, 03
B4, 03
R4, 01
B2, 03
C4, 02
R1, 01
B2, 03
C4, 02
B4, 02
I1, 03
B7, 03
B2, 03
C4, 03
B4, 02
B7, 01
B2, 04
C4, 03
R3, 02
B4, 06
C4, 06
B2, 02
B4, 06
C4, 04
B2, 02
R4, 03
B4, 02
C4, 02
R4, 07
B4, 03
C5, 01

 
In the graph, left:

The dark line is the summed points score per week 
(the second red figure in the scoresheet). 

The paler line is Ivan's success rating
(the first red figure in the scoresheet).

Week numbers run across the bottom. 
Points go up the side.

The shaded band is a pretty touch.


 
The average weekly points tally for British free-to-air terrestrial broadcasting is 11.75, which we will round up to 12. That amounts to the equivalent of 4 worthy classics a week, which isn't bad. Breaking that figure down more sensibly, TV scores 7 pts per week on average, with radio scraping 3 and film managing a comfortable 2. This means that on an average week, the best film is only "jolly good". That said, the statistics have missed out on the films that Ivan didn't watch because he already had them on video. When properly considered, the figures here represent what was seen rather than what was shown. In that respect their worth is questionable.

Ivan's success varied dramatically, with an evident cataclysmic dip around week 12 (Halloween). This was just after the Poker, during the run of the essentially disappointing "Jonathan Miller's Brief History of Disbelief". Not that that should take the blame for the worst week in the survey. Alas, Ivan failed to keep a copy of that week's offerings, and we can't work out how the worst week, pointswise, could produce enough better programming than Ivan's choices as to put him on -11. He must have made some really desperate selections in a really rough week.

As for the best results, they came at the start of the experiment. Now it is worth considering that at the start, all bubbly and excited, it's quite possible that Ivan was a bit points happy. But actually, the main reason for the massive success appears to genuinely have been the quality of the programming. Consider that in these first weeks we were treated to the repeat run of "State of Play", Ivan's old favourite: "Angel", Jonathan Meades' "Abroad Again in Britain" (actually one of the disappointments of the year, but still rather good), the continuing saga of "Yes Minister", the still alive "John Peel", and BBC4's Italian Cinema season. 

Film never recovered from the opening week (early August), with four Rossellini films and Pulp Fiction. It could've faired better, had Ivan been quicker with the VCR, but never mind.

Radio had a good run of things around weeks five and six (September), when Jeremy Hardy and Mark Steel were the dominating forces on Radios 4 and 7 respectively. 

Weeks 17 and 18 were the worst for film and radio (the "Quote Unquote" epoch at its most dismal), but were fantastic televisually, mainly thanks to a good run of sitcoms ("Arrested Development", "The Smoking Room", "Peep Show", "Yes PM", "The Simpsons" etc).

What about individual channels and stations then?

1 - BBC 4 - 255 / 78  (4 pts per week)
2 - Channel 4 - 99 / 33  (2pts per week)
3 - BBC 2 - 103 / 24  (1pt per week)
4 - Radio 4 - 165 / 22  (1pt per week)
5 - Channel 5 - 36 / 9
6 - BBC 7 - 70 / 8
7 - Radio 3 - 46 / 8
8 - ITV 1 - 33 / 7
9 - Radio 2 - 9 / 1
10 - Radio 1 - 0 / 1

In the above list, the first number is the overall positional score (given a scorecard placing), and the second number is the overall points score (ditto). The latter is the more important as regards programme quality. The former shows the station's relative performance against its genre (hence the high result for the dominant Radio 4). BBCs 1, 3 & Parliament, and ITV3 failed to make the scorecard, despite featured programming. No other stations appeared during the survey.

BBC 1's failure to appear is shocking, given that ITV 1 managed it. The main problem was the poor state of its Friday night comedy, and its range of films was a little desperate.

BBC 2 was something of a quasar, flickering between good and rubbish throughout the survey. Saving graces have been "Map Man" and "Arrested Development".

BBC 3 is, on the whole, not very good. And the lack of any new sitcoms during the survey run didn't help it any. Before then we'd had the good "15 Storeys High", the decent "Catterick", and the disappointing "Coupling". But Ivan didn't watch "The Smoking Room" till it came on real telly, and that was the best thing BBC 3 managed all year. The channel's biggest failing is the god-awful schedule of endless repeats of the same handful of programmes. We're not against multiplex scheduling per se, but there's something daunting and impenetrable about the BBC 3 listings, and also a sense of, 'well maybe I'll watch it next month'. It's much harder to get into a routine with BBC 3, because you lose your showing amongst the repeats and end up getting confused as to when the new ones are on. And it all winds up on real telly anyway. At least if it's good it does. The scheduling problem is clearly exemplified by the channel's biggest success here: "The Story of Bohemian Rhapsody", a pleasant enough but inescapable doc that must've made double figures in repeat showings over the last month, and is still getting prime slots in the New Year.

BBC 4 was a regular presence throughout, albeit with a fallow period at the turn of November when it lost the plot and started repeating itself like it was BBC 3 or something. BBC 4 has the programmes that used to make BBC 2 good, plus archive repeats and good films. Fantastic.

ITV 1 is full of shit. We know this. Soaps, things from Hell, airport docs, "You've Been Framed" and other prole-cheese. There are some little gems in the bollocks, like "...Millionaire", "Ant & Dec" and the occasional drama (not forgetting motorsport), but nothing that Ivan made a date for. Except films (and motorsport). Whatever you want to throw at ITV, they do buy the occasional decent film (and motorsport). And it's through this (and that) that they've hit our radar (although they're the lowest TV station on the chart). And they beat BBC 1.

ITV 2 is rubbish. Even "Judge Judy" is repeating itself for the eighteenth time now. There is nothing positive to be said of ITV 2. American daytime TV has never looked so crap.

ITV 3 is not rubbish. ITV 3 may well actually be the best of the ITV channels, being composed, as it is, almost entirely of Granada dramas and the odd good film. Nothing fantastic yet, but it's the closest thing ITV have to BBC 4. We look forward to the potential prospect of them raiding some older vaults and perhaps digging out the odd bit of "Armchair Theatre" or something. Not that we're holding our breath. We're just being optimistic.

Channel 4 didn't appear on our positional scanner until Week 12, although it was a fairly consistent presence as far as basic quality-points are concerned. With the exception of the odd film, C4 was actually a bit lost for most of the year, and relied on Mike Loades and Tony Robinson to keep its head above water. It wasn't till the turn of November that things warmed up, with "The Simpsons" and "Peep Show" reinvigourating Friday nights after a year that gave us the dreadful last seasons of the US "F"-sitcoms, and the painfully shite "Will & Grace" / "Green Wing". Still, whilever "Big Brother" is making money, we can expect C4 to maintain a half-decent PSB output, and although it wasn't in the run of this survey, they did get round to showing most of the rest of "Beckett on Film", and their Super 8 spot was moderately interesting too.

Five began strongly, thanks to "Angel", before drifting into a slight coma. They came out of it for their attempt at "Poker" (not as good as C4's, but better than nothing) and the occasional Tim Marlow vehicle, plus the odd film. C5 remains a schizoid entity, with its curious mix of ITV/C4 fundraising dreck, sub-BBC1 US TV-movies and a dash of genuine art and culture. It's like a deformed C4.

Radio 1, and the world in general, suffered a crushing blow with the death of John Peel. This took away R1's only realistic chance of points, halfway through the survey. What the future holds is unclear, with the New Year schedule replacing the slot with "One World". For the sake of popular music, we need more than Steve Lamacq guarding the gateway to Radio 1. We need someone with Kershaw's charm, but with more dedication to the Peelite cause. Rob Da Bank filled in alright, but he didn't have the voice, and seemed to be trying too hard. It's a tough quandary.

Radio 2 continued its transformation, with the arrival of Mark Radcliffe in the graveyard slot. Initially scheduled against Peel, he now no-longer has this problem. If he could play less BBC6 dreck, and more underground stuff, it'd be better. If he could genuinely recreate the old Radio 1 show...    Elsewhere is dominated by Mark Lamarr, who provided a regular stand-by on quieter radio weeks, and who is pretty much solely responsible for the station's good fortunes here. He can be quite annoying though.

Radio 3 benefited, of course, by the Proms landing in the survey period. After that, it disappeared off the radar for a bit, returning occasionally thanks to the efforts of Andy Kershaw, and, more recently, the Gavin Bryars evening. Radio 3, by its very nature, is not so much for regular listening as for dipping into when you notice something good is on. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Radio 4 is unquestionably the dominant force of the airwaves. It suffered a small "Quote Unquote"-led regression two thirds in, but weathered it and came back all the better thanks to Jon Ronson and "ISIHAC". There are few things bleaker in radio, though, than when "Quote Unquote" and "The Now Show" coincide.

Radio 5 Live, by its nature, was largely exempt from this survey. But it is a constant backdrop to our lives here at AView, and a genuinely good station. "The Breakfast Show" is dead alas, but Victoria Derbyshire has the morning phone-in now, so that's alright. Dunno what possessed people to give the despicable Eamon Holmes a show, though. He follows in the steps of Edwina Curry and David Mellor.

BBC 6 Music is something Ivan's barely touched. we're sure it's lovely, if a little indistinct.

BBC 7 is what it says it is: a bin of Radio 4 repeats. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's managed to come 2nd out of all the radio stations because it happens to be a handy back-up for selections in desperate weeks. Turn it on at random and there's a 1/3 chance of getting something half decent. Such is its nature.

BBC Parliament does its job more than aptly. The only quibble is with its schedules which are nebulous and underprinted. Why are there no listings in the RT? Is it too short notice? Failing that, longer listings on the BBC P teletext set, please.

There are many other channels out there, but none have got our attention. The only other channels truly worthy of note are BBC 701 & 702, which are the digital tv red-button feeds. More stuff on them, please. Treat them more like genuine channels, because it's easier, especially if your digibox gets a headache from teletext. Listings might not go amiss.

That's all for this little project. Ivan's off for a lie down in the inevitable sprinkling of snow to come. He shall be back in a couple or three weeks with a refined and improved column. Until then, he's adding New Year week to the Christmas Listings to keep you going. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you at the AView Awards.

NEXT RUN