| We find ourselves in Kiev in the
immediate aftermath of the Orange Revolution: everyone feeling very
positive and excited. And well they might, for this is the 50th
Eurovision Song Contest! We've made it through half a century and we
seem to be back on our feet again after the torpor of the '80s and
'90s. As an Israeli entry once said: Hallelujah! In a flurry of red scarves, backing dancers in national dress play ethnic instruments (or more often just wave them around) in Albania's rocking, stomping and occasionally menacing entry which is possessed of an excitingly shaped chorus and a drum-break. All it's missing is a camp man in a muscle t-shirt inviting us to "come", which is where Cyprus has the upper hand: their singer (the "king of the night", no less) will make his baby's heart go "bang bang" with his Ricky Martin -inflected performance. In the second verse he replaces his mirrored stage-set for a pair of oil-drums and starts dancing with an over-sized cotton-bud. After the second chorus he breaks his cotton-bud in two, and, with the help of a wailing woman, induces a moody oil-drum percussion break while constantly begging his baby to "come". Rhyming "delicious" with "capricious" is Europe's winner: Greece: another Destiny's Child -style number draped in Mediterranean sauce. Towards the end of the performance (entitled "My Number One") our singer uses a bow to play the underwear of one of her backing dancers, before waving her implement about, Albania-style, while the dancers form the figure "1" on the floor. The same song, but a whole lot better, was performed earlier in the night by the United Kingdom's Javine. But the UK are war-criminals (and khaki is so hard to pull off well) so she only managed 22nd in the official tally despite an impressive Beyoncé impersonation. For us she was the best act of the night; her song, "Touch My Fire", punctuated impressively by scimitar-sharp Moorish riffs and snaking strings. Imagine Laibach doing Riverdance and one gets an inkling as to Hungary's entry, performed by a demi-trousered woman and five baggy-armed backing dancers sporting facial tattoos. At one point the music drops out and the dancers bounce and clap to the sounds of drums. Such things seem to have been obligatory in 2005... Summoned by drums, the Supremes emerge, or rather Bosnia & Herzegovina's coral-clad trio: Feminnem. "Call Me" is a suitably Swedish birthday tribute to the contest (sample lyric: "united in a song, that's all it takes / 50 candles on the party cakes"). It's brilliantly built, and its chugging Chain Reaction glam makes an intriguing contrast to the hip raunch that's preceded it tonight. "I'm so happy to be here cos it's the time of my life!" they sing. And they mean it. For each year's songs we apply our points in the 12-10-8 style of the modern contest, irrespective of how the voting functioned at the time. In brackets is the position the song came on the night:
Europe had Malta second, Romania third, Israel fourth, Latvia fifth, Serbia & Montenegro seventh, Switzerland eighth, Denmark and Norway joint-ninth, Russia 15th, Macedonia 17th, Sweden and the Ukraine joint-19th, France 23rd and Germany last. |
 Javine calls her CORGI-registered gas-fitter.  The Cypriot entry implores us to come.  Bosnia & Herzegovina's birthday surprise.  East European Riverdance courtesy of NOX.  Albania's Ledina Çelo, pursued by fiddlers.  Europe's Number One: Elena Paparizou.
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