| To Mother Russia, then, for a
good kicking ahead of an evening of high camp. Leading the stakes in
that regard were ever-macho Greece: Eurovision veteran Sakis Rouvas
riding atop a travellator and gyrating to the first song of the night
that's really any good: a relentlessly uplifting club anthem. "This is
our night", he tells us through his head-set mic. He's wrong, but it's
not a bad effort all the same. The travellator stuff is great,
especially at the end when it opens up, stapler-like, raising our
singer and revealing the Greek flag beneath. Despite a Nirvana-ish start, Turkey's entry, "Düm Tek Tek" proved a reversion to their "type A" formula: a red-clad belly-dancer doing a harem-girl take on modern up-beat 'R&B'. It's all pleasantly feisty: a twitchy little verse and matching chorus joined at the hip by an out-of-control escalator of a bridge. Moldova took the trad-folk/skronk route, like Leningrad Cowboys but with less humour. It's all very shouty and dancy, as one might hope, and is delivered by a sort of national dress version of Gina G. It makes you wonder if perhaps the only way the UK might win again would be to do a rave-beat morris-dance. Also in national dress were Armenia, outfitted like extras from a Paradjanov film while writhing sensually on a dais to a pleasingly slinky number with a punchy bassline. "Everybody move your body", they suggest, like some medieval Zager Band. It's hard not to follow their advice. An entertaining change section in the middle adds a kick of eastern charm to proceedings in what is a rather fetching performance. "You are sexy bum bum", Svetlana seems to say as she gyrates around her giant hamster-wheel climbing-frames surrounded by bare-chested Roman legionaries. As a spectacle this takes some beating: as the grimy bass-line and ethnically-tinged brass flourishes of the verse give way to the pounding, tit-wiggling flaunt of the chorus, so our intrepid vocalist gets hurled about by her loyal troops and shakes her stuff most impressively. At one point she even takes to the drums, on a kit that is being hauled across stage by her soldiers. As Laibach-esque pistons pump up and down on the video-walls it becomes apparent that this is one of the greatest performances Eurovision has ever seen; and a cracking song to boot: a song that deserves time in the charts and could stand aside anything Britney or Lady Ga-Ga might care to throw our way. A masterpiece with a sexy bum. Europe preferred the retro stylings of Norway: impish pretty-boy fiddler Alexander Rybak with his bouncing "Puppet on a String" knees-up. The backing vocalists are quite amusing; the back-flipping dancers less-so (at one point they pathetically kick some hats that have been suspended on mic-stands). Rybak is either charming or irritating, depending on your tolerance of cheeky winkers, and the same goes for the song. For each year's songs we apply our points in the 12-10-8 style of the modern contest, irrespective of how the voting functioned at the time. In brackets is the position the song came on the night:
Europe voted Norway as their winner, with Iceland second, the UK fifth, Estonia sixth, France eighth, Russia eleventh, Denmark 13th, Portugal 15th, Israel 16th, Albania 17th, Croatia 18th, Romania 19th, Germany 20th, Malta 22nd and Lithuania joint-23rd. |
![]() One of her cohort admires Svetlana's sexy bum bum. ![]() Inga and Anush move their bodies. Hadise feels her heart go Düm Tek Tek. Moldova invite us to their equivalent of a ceilidh. Sakis Rouvas rides atop his giant stapler. ![]() Europe's winner: Norwegian fol-de-troll. |
| POLITICS |
| Telephone
voting being generally considered to be a bit dodgy, national juries
were reintroduced to provide 50% of the vote. Georgia withdrew in protest against the war in South Ossetia. Inspired by its win in the junior contest (including a 12pt award from Russia) it revoked its withdrawal, only to have its chosen song excluded for containing political references. Georgia disputed this, citing pressure from Russia as the real reason for the exclusion (although the entrants themselves admitted a deliberate anti-Putin message), and so withdrew for a second time. Spain got into some trouble (and elicited a wide range of conspiracy theories) for broadcasting their elected semi-final on a tape delay of over an hour. A gay pride event, held in Moscow the day before the final, was somewhat violently broken up by police. The most overt reference to this during the contest appears to have been the Swedish spokesperson's wearing of a rainbow dog-tag; there wasn't exactly a massive demonstration of solidarity. In August 2009, Azerbaijan's Ministry of National Security reportedly questioned a selection of the 43 Azerbaijanis who had voted for the Armenian entry, accusing them of being "unpatriotic" and "a potential security threat". |
| 2000s
PERFORMANCE |
1957-2009
PERFORMANCE |
|||||||||
| AVIEW
JURY |
EUROPE | AVIEW JURY | EUROPE | |||||||
| 52pts ▲15 |
![]() SWE |
1 |
![]() RUS |
49pts ▲27 |
218pts = |
![]() ESP |
1 |
![]() GBR |
309pts = |
|
| 49pts NEW |
![]() UKR |
2 |
![]() GRE |
46pts ▲19 |
187pts = |
![]() GER |
2 |
![]() FRA |
237pts = |
|
| 45pts = |
![]() GRE |
3 |
![]() TUR |
38pts ▲17 |
188pts = |
![]() FIN |
3 |
![]() IRL |
199pts = |
|
| 45pts = |
![]() TUR |
4 |
![]() UKR |
36pts NEW |
150pts ▲8 |
![]() SWE |
4 |
![]() SWE |
181pts ▲1 |
|
| 42pts ▲2 |
![]() ESP |
5 |
![]() SRB |
31pts NEW |
149pts ▲6 |
![]() TUR |
5 |
![]() GER |
170pts ▼1 |
|
| 40pts ▲20 |
![]() SLO |
6 |
![]() EST |
31pts ▲8 |
148pts ▲2 |
![]() GBR |
6 |
![]() ITA |
144pts = |
|
| 34pts ▲4 |
![]() GBR |
7 |
![]() SWE |
30pts ▼4 |
141pts ▼1 |
![]() ISR |
7 |
![]() SUI |
141pts = |
|
| 30pts ▼2 |
![]() CRO |
8 |
![]() NOR |
27pts ▼3 |
140pts ▼4 |
![]() NED |
8 |
![]() LUX |
133pts = |
|
| 25pts ▲25 |
![]() BIH |
9 |
![]() LAT |
26pts NEW |
135pts ▼4 |
![]() POR |
9 |
![]() ESP |
129pts = |
|
| 22pts ▼2 |
![]() FIN |
10 |
![]() MLT |
25pts ▼3 |
122pts ▲8 |
![]() GRE |
10 |
![]() ISR |
120pts ▲1 |
|
| 19pts ▼10 |
![]() CYP |
11 |
![]() DEN |
23pts ▲5 |
115pts ▼4 |
![]() DEN |
11 |
![]() DEN |
115pts ▲1 |
|
| 17pts NEW |
![]() LAT |
12 |
![]() ROU |
18pts ▲18 |
114pts ▼2 |
![]() AUT |
12 |
![]() NED |
115pts ▼2 |
|
| 16pts NEW |
![]() ARM |
13 |
![]() FRA |
16pts ▼9 |
113pts ▼4 |
![]() BEL |
13 |
![]() NOR |
110pts ▲2 |
|
| 15pts ▲17 |
![]() MLT |
14 |
![]() ARM |
14pts NEW |
100pts ▲1 |
![]() NOR |
14 |
![]() BEL |
98pts = |
|
| 15pts NEW |
![]() MDA |
15 |
![]() GBR |
14pts ▼13 |
96pts ▼2 |
![]() SUI |
15 | ![]() MON |
89pts ▼2 |
|
| 14pts ▲2 |
![]() ISL |
16 |
![]() ISL |
13pts ▼4 |
91pts ▼2 |
![]() LUX |
16 |
![]() AUT |
75pts = |
|
| 14pts = |
![]() RUS |
17 |
![]() BIH |
13pts ▲9 |
90pts ▼1 |
![]() ITA |
17 |
![]() GRE |
72pts ▲4 |
|
| 12pts ▼4 |
![]() GER |
18 |
![]() FIN |
12pts ▲16 |
86pts ▼1 |
![]() YUG |
18 |
![]() MLT |
59pts = |
|
| 9pts NEW |
![]() ALB |
19 |
![]() GER |
12pts ▼8 |
85pts = |
![]() FRA |
19 |
![]() YUG |
56pts ▼2 |
|
| 9pts ▼7 |
![]() NOR |
20 |
![]() ESP |
12pts ▼11 |
76pts = |
![]() MON |
20 |
![]() RUS |
51pts ▲11 |
|
| 8pts ▲8 |
![]() HUN |
21 |
![]() AZE |
11pts NEW |
75pts ▲1 |
![]() CYP |
21 |
![]() TUR |
48pts ▲6 |
|
| 8pts ▼5 |
![]() FRA |
22 |
![]() CYP |
11pts ▼5 |
59pts ▲1 |
![]() CRO |
22 |
![]() EST |
45pts ▲3 |
|
| 8pts NEW |
![]() AZE |
23 | ![]() BEL |
10pts ▲1 |
58pts ▼2 |
![]() IRL |
23 | ![]() FIN |
42pts ▼4 |
|
| 7pts NEW |
![]() BLR |
24 | ![]() ISR |
9pts ▼18 |
49pts NEW |
![]() UKR |
24 | ![]() CYP |
38pts ▼4 |
|
| 7pts ▼23 |
![]() ISR |
25 | ![]() BUL |
6pts NEW |
45pts ▲6 |
![]() SLO |
25 | ![]() UKR |
36pts NEW |
|
| 6pts ▼14 |
![]() AUT |
26 | ![]() MDA |
6pts NEW |
37pts ▼2 |
![]() ISL |
26 | ![]() ISL |
34pts ▼2 |
|
| 4pts ▲5 |
![]() LTU |
27 | ![]() IRL |
6pts ▼26 |
29pts ▼2 |
![]() RUS |
27 | ![]() SRB |
31pts NEW |
|
| 3pts ▼6 |
![]() BEL |
28 | ![]() BLR |
5pts NEW |
28pts ▼2 |
![]() MLT |
28 | ![]() CRO |
28pts ▼6 |
|
| 2pts NEW |
![]() SRB |
29 | ![]() AUT |
5pts ▼2 |
25pts ▲7 |
![]() BIH |
29 | ![]() LAT |
26pts NEW |
|
| 1pt NEW |
![]() BUL |
30 | ![]() LTU |
5pts ▲1 |
17pts NEW |
![]() LAT |
30 | ![]() POR |
25pts ▼7 |
|
| 1pt ▼6 |
![]() EST |
31 | ![]() SLO |
4pts ▼8 |
16pts NEW |
![]() ARM |
31 | ![]() ROU |
18pts ▲3 |
|
| 1pt ▼5 |
![]() ROU |
32 | ![]() ALB |
4pts NEW |
15pts NEW |
![]() MDA |
32 | ![]() BIH |
17pts ▼2 |
|
| 0pts NEW |
![]() GEO |
33 | ![]() POL |
4pts ▼14 |
11pts = |
![]() HUN |
33 | ![]() ARM |
14pts NEW |
|
| 0pts ▼14 |
![]() POL |
34 | ![]() CRO |
3pts ▼24 |
10pts ▼7 |
![]() POL |
34 | ![]() POL |
14pts ▼8 |
|
| 0pts ▼14 |
![]() SUI |
35 | ![]() SUI |
3pts ▼20 |
9pts NEW |
![]() ALB |
35 | ![]() AZE |
11pts NEW |
|
| 0pts ▼31 |
![]() NED |
36 | ![]() HUN |
2pts ▼14 |
8pts NEW |
![]() AZE |
36 | ![]() HUN |
9pts ▼8 |
|
| 0pts ▼27 |
![]() POR |
37 | ![]() GEO |
0pts NEW |
7pts NEW |
![]() BLR |
37 | ![]() SLO |
9pts ▼8 |
|
| 0pts ▼10 |
![]() IRL |
38 | ![]() NED |
0pts ▼25 |
7pts ▼10 |
![]() SVK |
38 | ![]() BUL |
6pts NEW |
|
| 0pts ▼16 |
![]() MKD |
39 | ![]() POR |
0pts ▼21 |
6pts ▼10 |
![]() MKD |
39 | ![]() MDA |
6pts NEW |
|
| 0pts ▼21 |
![]() DEN |
40 | ![]() MKD |
0pts ▼11 |
6pts ▼10 |
![]() EST |
40 | ![]() BLR |
5pts NEW |
|
| 5pts ▼9 |
![]() ROU |
41 | ![]() LTU |
5pts ▼6 |
||||||
| 4pts ▼7 |
![]() LTU |
42 | ![]() ALB |
4pts NEW |
||||||
| 2pts NEW |
![]() SRB |
43 | ![]() MAR |
0pts ▼10 |
||||||
| 1pt NEW |
![]() BUL |
44 | ![]() GEO |
0pts NEW |
||||||
| 1pt ▼11 |
![]() MAR |
45 | ![]() SVK |
0pts ▼9 |
||||||
| 0pts NEW |
![]() GEO |
46 | ![]() MKD |
0pts ▼14 |
||||||